Guest post by Bill Kern
At the end of my Mom’s life, I took a leave of absence to permit her to stay in her home. The support that hospice gave to her and to me convinced me that I wanted to volunteer when I had the opportunity, and have now been doing so for over 4 years.
I am personally more interested in helping a family share the end of a loved one’s life with respect and dignity than I am with tacking on the maximum number of days to a life span.
This spirit permits me to become as deeply involved as possible in each situation without experiencing excess sadness. I never have the sense of being in the midst of some tragedy, but rather see my role as doing whatever I am able to do to help a family get to a place where they’ve decided they wish to go.
Beyond the excellent training I received, perhaps the most important thing I had to learn was to completely set aside my ego. If I am able to enter a situation with compassion and respect – forgetting about how I need to perform – I am able to provide some service that is helpful. There is no duty on either/both of our parts to reach some profound level of consciousness to make a volunteer’s contribution positive.
I cherish some the of verbal, emotional, and physical connections that occasionally develop between a patient and me. But it is no ‘failure’ to sit with a totally unresponsive person for a few hours, allowing a partner some respite by napping, getting out with a friend or doing chores.
If there is not grief for me, there is unquestionably an intensity different than much of the rest of my life. When a patient dies, besides loss, I experience some relief – a serious responsibility is over. And then in just a few days, I am aware of what a huge hole there is in my life by not having that connection. Being a volunteer is no noble sacrifice on my part; it is a gift that I give to myself.
(photo: Mendhak)
No related posts.
Randall Ryder is consumer rights attorney in Minnesota, where he suesabusive debt collectors and is a publisher of Elder Parent Help.